


Night Toughts

by Anghelikarmando



Series: March-April [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anghelikarmando/pseuds/Anghelikarmando
Summary: Small composition of the thoughts that come to me at night.
Series: March-April [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659181





	Night Toughts

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of a personal project!
> 
> I'm going to write one or two pieces per week for about two months, so if you like it, let me know! I'm trying to improve my writings.

I know you want me to be brave, to be mature, so I fake it. 

I put on a smile, and I try to reason with myself.

But I'm laying in this bed, and I can't stop feeling the point of this knife that stays unmoving against my throat.

I just lay here, looking at the ceiling and hearing my own breathing.

Breath In. Breath Out. Breath In. Breath out.

Don't think about it.

I feel the presence of the hands that keep steady the blade. They do not have compassion for me. They don't kill me, won't do it, they just

Don't think about it.

I can't see them, I can't see the knife. But it's a constant reflection of the judging moonlight. A reminder of all my faults. Of my failures.

Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine grabbing the end of the handle and give it a little hit. Like how you did it to open those cans of milk. Without effort. Just two small hits with the base of your hand, one in each side. And finish it. End it all. A little bit of pain and then

Just like those cans of milk

Don't think about it.

Breath In. Breath Out. Breath In. Breath out.

But I won't do it. You want me to be brave, to be mature. So I'll just fake it.

Tomorrow, I will put on a smile and try to reason with myself.

I won't do it, I promise. 

All I will do is keep the blade against my throat, the sharp point promising me closure. Relieve. Telling me that it's for the better. Listing all the things that will happen after I end my existence. 

You will feel pain, but just for a moment, and then it will get better, I promise. Your heartache won't last forever, and then everything will be better, and they...

I won't do it. I promise.

But I already have a plan. Like always.

Don't think about it.

Breath In. Breath Out. Breath In. Breath out.

**Author's Note:**

> Any kind of commentary is welcome! Especially the critical ones.


End file.
